"Countdown to July 27" Diary: Day One.

So many emotions racing around, with just 5 days to go until the release of my film The Man Inside.

So... I thought I'd do a diary of the week leading up to, and including, the release.
The anxieties, the highs and the lows and everything in between.
I've been blogging for about 3 years now, so it makes sense to cover what is easily the most important point in my career so far in a bit more depth.

Here goes...

Sunday 22:
I've got my suit ready for Tuesday.
I've never done a full-on red carpet premiere like this in the UK.
Two years ago James Moran and I attended the red carpet for The Streamy's award ceremony in Los Angeles, when Girl Number 9 was nominate for 5 awards over there. That was terrifying!
So hopefully it's warmed me up for what to expect.

It's a bit surreal to think I will be at a red carpet premiere in Leicester Square for a film I wrote and directed. I'm pinching myself a bit. It's the kind of thing I'd always imagined happening to other people far more important than me.
I'm told there will be a lot of press, although I imagine the cameras will be saved for the glamorous guests rather than little me! I don't quite know how to approach the premiere, so I'll probably drink a few gins and smile a lot, whilst my glamorous fiancé Sally steers me through.

With that out of the way there will be the business of introducing the film to several hundred VIP guests. I'll totally wing it. That's the only way I can do this kind of thing without sounding like a strangled Dalek with a speech problem.

I'm going to fill tomorrow with a lot of "stuff" to keep all the insecurities at bay.
Usually I get quite nervous before a film goes "out there", but this is on a whole new level for me, so this time the insecurities are amplified to crazy levels.
I guess it's the reviews that are the most terrifying.
It's a personal film with my fingerprints all over it, so any criticism is very close to home.
But, the film ultimately has to stand as a piece of work, and theres nothing I can do to influence anyone!

I reminded myself today that the film is a very dark and intense piece of work, and you know what?  I'm not actually quite sure how it got distributed!
I know that sounds daft, but it is a very challenging piece of work, and not always easy to watch. People who have seen it have been very affected by it and it seems to stay with people long after its finished.
A few people, in particular, have told me how much they love the film, including the one I respect the most - Peter Mullan.  His phone call after seeing the film for the first time will stay with me forever, and when I get a bit down in the dumps I always think about that call.

I'll be buying that man a large drink on Tuesday :-)