Tuesday, 18 May 2010

How to be a media type

My last post I talked about (well ranted) about media types and promised to bust some myths from now on.

My first musing is all about how some people in the industry (if you were to be in the South of France right now you would see most of them) are more concerned about appearing to be a writer/director/producer etc than actually being one. Or God forbid, doing some work.

Here is my bullshitters guide to appearing important.

1. Talk loudly about stuff you half heard and don't really understand. Try.... "digital" "character arc" "high-def" etc. Remember to look confident and to run like hell if questioned.

2. Wave your arms about a lot. This really looks good and people will think you are a creative. There does reach a point where you start to appear like a demented windmill, so be careful.

3. Never ever talk about your actual job. No-one ever admits when they are not full time media types that they have to actually pay the bills. Producers eyes will glaze over and people at parties will walk away if you let slip you do a (gasp) regular job.

4.tell people how "crazy" and "weird" you are as often as possible. People expect this from creative types. Perhaps fashion a badge "I am crazy I am". To help sell the myth that you are actually interesting. Producers love that shit.

5. Never ever finish a script/film.
Better still, never actually start it. You can then go on and on about your brilliant idea without all the pain of actually writing/making it. And it's vital to tell people how amazing your idea is because it's YOUR idea, so therefore, by default, it must be.
(secret tip - throw your head back and laugh extravagantly).

6. Claim to know everyone in the industry. (Not former BB contestants).
Read wikipedia and then spew all the info like Jude Law is your best friend (only use first name)
Sample: "Oh. I used to go to college with Jude, he used to use tippex on his eyelids"
(using obscure facts helps)
If someone ever asks why it is you have never made it, despite knowing all these famous people, smile and say "I want to do it on my own terms". Bullshit WIN.

Use these tips and watch your star soar!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1 comment:

Mr Daniel said...

Oh, and...

7. Don't forget to drone on and on about how busy you are. Especially via social networking. But beware, people can do maths, and pretty soon your twitter to work ration will get rumbled.